I saw a recent blog post which highlighted 15 “gay” TV characters that never came out. Seeing as though I am too young to have watched most of those characters, and in honor of yesterday’s “National Coming Out Day” I decided to put together my own list.
I give you, the top five gayest male TV characters that never come out:
5. Niles the Butler
Niles was the butler for Mr. Sheffield on one of the campiest sitcoms of all time, “The Nanny.” Niles was known for dishing out one-liners and quips to everyone in sight, most notably to C.C., the New York socialite, business partner to Mr. Sheffield. When asked in one episode what his last name was he replied, “I only have one name… like Cher!”
4. Salem the Cat
Salem is the sharp-tongued, talking cat on “Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.” Like Niles the Butler he is known for delivering puns, one-liners and questionable advice to those around him. Some of his favorite pastimes are: playing with yarn, lint spotting, surfing the internet and reading Sabrina’s diary. FAIRY KITTY!
3. Vanity Smurf
Wikipedia says it perfectly, without even attempting to prove my point: “Vanity Smurf is the epitome of a Narcissist. He has a flower in his hat, and he often holds a hand mirror, staring into his own reflection, which he kisses often. In the Hanna-Barbera cartoon, Vanity speaks in an effeminate voice.”
2. Snagglepuss
Although Snagglepuss first sashayed onto the scene in the late 1950’s, Hannah Barberra cartoons have always maintained their popularity (i think?). He is a pink lion (gay), makes constant allusions to theatrical stage directions (gay gay), and became famous for his signature catchphrase, “Heavens to Murgatroyd!” (GAY GAY GAY). No-one has any idea what the eff Murgatroyd is, but gay men love to make things up.
1. Waylon Smithers
If you aren’t convinced about this executive assistant’s sexual orientation you’re probably a tea-bagger and should KYS. For you viewing pleasure:
The return of the ever-popular Pumpkin Spice Latte really made me realize how much of a cultural effect Sbux has on many people’s lives. Take me for example, I have forgotten what the real names of seasons are altogether! Here is a breakdown of the seasons I follow, as dictated by my friendly (every other) corner coffee shop:
Pumpkin Spice Latte Time (season formerly known as fall and/or autumn)
Defined by slowly falling temperatures & leaves, earlier dusks, unpolished attempts at layering and pumpkin-flavored coffee and treats!! Halloween? More like Hall-o-whattya-mean!
Red Cup Season (formerly winter or “the holidays”)
The day I walk into Starbucks and see that cheerful stack of red cups swaying next to the espresso machine, I automatically put on a scarf and start watching Home Alone. Gingerbread lattes, Egg-nog lattes, PEPPERMINT MOCHAS!! Oh man I can’t wait for red cup season.
Ice to See You Time (formerly spring)
I pretty much drink iced coffee all year round. I just prefer it, unless I’m freezing. When the weather starts to warm up and pastel colors adorn the Starbucks chalk-boards I know it’s time for the iced coffee drinkers to come out of hiding and proudly display their love of iced beverages! That magical sound the ice scoop makes sings in harmony with the birds flying North.
Frappuccino Season (formerly summer)
I must say my disdain for this season stems not from swampy temperatures and masses of tourists, but the length of time I have to wait while sweating baristas fumble over 20 orders of different flavored blended drinks. If you want a milkshake go to Johnny Rockets and have a milkshake! Gah! I do love the Frappuccino season deals on drinks, though
One of the great things about living in DC is the exposure you get to the various subcultures of trashy people. Being the number one destination for patriotic REAL Americans taking their summer vacations offers a window into some amaze-balls people. I always enjoy seeing the unsuspecting Iowan family clad in Old Navy jeans and “I [heart] DC” shirts stumble into the gayborhood looking for a place to eat. Welcome to our nation’s capital! You’ll be happy to know that this city is basically run by the gays
Then there’s the locals. Everyone knows DC has a terrible problem of economic disparity between different parts of the city. In most cities the service jobs at places like Starbucks and fast food restaurants are filled with part-time, younger student types but in DC most of these positions are taken by full-time trash-tastic residents of DC’s less fortunate neighborhoods…
Coming from Seattle I am used to Starbucks employees being annoyingly nice and helpful, always trying to get your order perfectly right and selling you on buying more pastries and mugs to accessorize your iced grande, triple shot, skim, no whip, extra ice, caramel macchiato. It was quite a shock to me when I moved here and realized that placing your order usually comes at a time when the employee does NOT want to deal with you…which is always. I’ve been ignored, talked back to, told to wait, laughed at, talked about, and amazingly – asked for my receipt to prove I wasn’t lying when they forgot to make my drink and almost made to dig it out of the trash! Some people call it infuriating, I call it DC Charm!
I have a feeling a lot of people find secret joy out of these terrible examples of customer service. To celebrate I present one of the best characters from MAD TV, Bon Qui Qui:
In this economy there are sure to be some winners – such is the case in all periods of economic downturn (namely Campbell’s Soup, top ramen and cardboard manufacturers). One such example in this current downturn is the advent of curbside food carts. Even in D.C., a city not known for having much street food other than hot dog carts, we have started to see an increase in new, innovative cuisine carts aimed at the taste-savvy and price-conscious. L.A. has been going bonkers over Kogi BBQ – a Korean BBQ cart that popularized the practice of sending daily tweets announcing its location.
What’s even more amazing is that foodie blogs and magazines have taken to conducting reviews of these vendors – some of them scoring high marks! I still haven’t tried any of the street meat vendors in DC and plan on changing that TODAY by visiting the Korean cart at 14th and Vermont.
Some Washington, D.C. Street Meat Vendors and Twitter info:
Fojol Brothers
Twitter: @fojolbros
URL: fojol.com
Chicken curry and mango lassi popsicles sold from four dudes (two are actually brothers) in fake mustaches and psychedelic turbans.
Sweetflow Mobile
Twitter: @SweetflowMobile
URL: sweetgreen.com
The small salad chain Sweet Greens will launch a fro-yo truck this summer selling their “Sweet Flow” with toppings.
Korean BBQ tacos from the Kogi cart in Los Angeles – mmmmm…
I love Lady Gaga’s zany fashion sense. Actually, I love the whole package – the way she dresses, acts, sings, writes her own lyrics, designs her own clothes, cancels her own concerts… Anyway I always love seeing what new crazy outfits she wears and put together a collage of some stellar ones for my enjoyment.
Her latest video is a work of visual art. The costumes are incredible, especially the one she’s in towards the end that invokes Minnie Mouse. It’s pretty extreme but I love it. Watch. Dance. Love.
Update: Gaga kills it at a music awards show in Toronto! I think I could post updates every day on her outfits, but pyrotechnic boobs deserve to be shown.
Steve Urkel was many things. Many hilarious, nasal things. One thing you probably never thought about was how trend-setting he was. Urkel wore cardigans, cuffed jeans and thick-rimmed hipster glasses before you did, and that’s why he’s cooler. So the next time your hipster friends try a new fashion style – do a quick google image search for Steve Urkel… I bet he already pulled it off.
You know something I don’t understand? Furries. I’m a pretty open-minded person but this underground movement shocks, confuses and, quite frankly, scares the shit out of me. So, like any curious person, I decided to do some research and make an educated assessment before judging…
Furry fandom (also known as furrydom, furridom, fur fandom, furdom or “serfs in the kingdom of fucked up” – OK I made that up) refers to the fandom for fictional anthropomorphic animal characters with human personalities and characteristics. You might want to read that again.
In layman’s terms: Furries are people who dress up in animal mascot-type suits and hang out with eachother at conventions and online. It is believed that the furry movement originated from people’s admiration for animal/human characters in books such as Watership Down and science-fiction comics back in the 1960’s. They’re oldskooool.
Mole Playing
So, here’s where it gets odd (hint of judgment): A major component of the furry lifestyle is roleplaying. Fans of furdom create personas “fursonas” – I did NOT make that up – for themselves. Many of these fursonas are acted out in online communities and forums. According to some strange study, over 60% of furries surveyed self-identify as carnivoras. Ummm, cool?
Unconventional Conventions
There are enough of these crazy critters to have entire conventions across North America and Europe. In 2006, 19 furry conventions took place around the world exceeding 9,900 attendees.The largest of these conventions, Anthrocon, is held annually in July at the illustrious Westin Hotel in Pittsburgh (fancy shmancy!). According to the Pittsburgh Union-Tribune this convention contributes almost $3 million to the city’s economy! I wonder how the ailing economy has affected the anthropomorphic, carnivora-mammalian demographic?
The Dark Part of the Forest
Here’s where it gets freaky <—- (judgment): the recently conducted Furry Survey found that a growing number of furries consider themselves separate from “the fandom” and having “an important emotional/spiritual connection with an animal or animals, real, fictional or symbolic.” Think that’s weird? 6% of those surveyed did not consider themselves to be human at all!
The Horny, Brown Fox Jumps Over the Submissive Dog
Then there’s the sex. Oh furry sex… so much frottage, so little time! The sexuality associated with furries is a big source of controversy and conflict within the kingdom of fur. The term Yiff is commonly used to describe the sexual component of fur fandom – amazingly, “yiff” is onomatopoeia for the sound a fox makes when mating!! Love it! Many members of the furry community feel that the overly sexual component gives the rest of them a bad name, and may use the derogatory term “furvert” to describe such people. These furries love puns as much as I do! During my research I found MANY different terms for philias within the yiff subculture – it’s equal parts hilarious and disturbing if you’re interested. Highlights include: Plushophilia, Macrophilia, Vorarephilia and, of course, no subculture would be complete without the pedophiles who enjoy the Babyfurs.
The furries are, for the most part, ok. They still weird me out – and the yiff’s are just crazy, hideous nerds who I thank for covering their ugly bodies with masks and hiding in basements and indoor conventions.
For a plethora of information on the subject check out Wikifur
What was that line about “walking to the beat of a different drum?” As I recall it was a metaphor for being different than the masses. I walk just over a mile, each way, to get to and from work – as do many other people in DC. What’s different about me is that I am one of the few males who choose to not wear his dress shoes during the commute. I do this for a variety of reason: 1. to preserve the integrity of my nice shoes; 2. for comfort; 3. in case of inclement weather; and, most importantly, 4. BECAUSE I CAN DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT!
The process is quite simple – I leave two different pairs of dress shoes at work. In colder temperatures I wear a pair of black street shoes to/from work and change as soon as I get in or right before I leave. Between the sweltering months of June and September I wear flip flops outside and bring a clean pair of socks with me in my bag. This is where my ranting comes in. Every year, I get judged by people on the street for wearing flip flops with my business casual attire. Why do they care?! Women have worn a variety of alternate shoes to work for decades – pantyhose and white running shoes, rain boots, uggs and flip flops. Why is it that I will get at least one obvious look of judgment per week, usually from men in suits, regarding my footwear. Why the hell do they care what I’m wearing and why do they disagree?! It blows my mind.
I usually just chalk it up to them being supremely jealous of my free-spirited ways. While it’s 90+ degrees and humid at 8:30 a.m. they are sweating bullets in their dress shoes and I am regulating my body temperature through my happy feet. I’m not wearing the flip flops around the office, I’m not shoving my foot in their face, I have well manicured feet, they wouldn’t judge me on weekends so why the looks?
…
Is this the summer I snap at one of them? They should all KTS.
For me, summer 2009 will be the ‘Summer of Throwbacks’ – the following is a sampling of the fads I either plan to enjoy, follow or create for myself this summer:
Colorful Shoes – The kind that you can only really pull off in between Memorial and Labor days. Bright white, coral, maybe yellow?! Don’t know, don’t know if I’ll have time. I’m also on a kick for old school espadrilles (handmade peasant shoes from the Pyrenees) – they are cheap, look good and are the perfect warm-weather shoe.
Murder Mystery – I’m on a sudden fix for old school murder mystery stories. When at the beach or pool I plan on reading vintage copies of Agatha Christie novels and on those 100 degree, humid Sunday’s I will escape from the heat and watch Murder She Wrote DVD’s. I love it.
Cuffed Jeans – This fad has not really gone mainstream for men, but women seem to be rocking it. On a recent trip to Seattle I saw that a lot of trendy young guys were cuffing their jeans to just below the knees. I like it (if it’s cool enough to wear jeans in the forseeable future).
Music That Makes Me Smile – Not really a throwback per se, but why the hell not. Best bets are Matt & Kim, Tom Petty and Alphabeat. Do it!
Digital Watches – I love watches and am opting to spend more time wearing watches with no hands. When I was a tween I wouldn’t have ever considered wearing an analogue watch. Now I’ve become the exact opposite. I’m going to switch it up with something like this Casio or go modern with Tokyo Flash (I’m obsessed with Japanese watches).
Butch Thermos – The classic Stanley Thermos is the kind fighter pilots carried during World War II. I plan to put my own spin on its functionality by carrying frozen margaritas to the pool.
Old issues of Life Magazine - Available at second hand book stores for the same price as Details or GQ, Life is a photojournalism magazine that started running weekly in the 1930’s. It’s a fascinating publication and if you’re one for flipping through picture books I recommend.
Yellow – I never really liked yellow before, but now that it’s popping up in stores all over the place in muted colors I’m really digging it. I already bought a few different shades for t-shirts.
This photo from Awkward Family Photos is utterly amazing!! I could stare at it for hours and postulate about each family member’s lifestyle, dreams, thoughts and/or dark secrets. The father’s shorts and posture, the mother’s face, the DAUGHTER’S FACE and that Princess Leia dress!! Oh man. I would love a “where are they now.”
Korean BBQ tacos from the Kogi cart in Los Angeles – mmmmm…
