Category Archives: IMHO

Advanced Emoticons

Because sometimes 🙂 just doesn’t cut it.

=^_^= – I am a furry, and I identify as a cat

|:-( – I wish I didn’t have a unibrow

:*D – I still have glitter on my face from Saturday night!

J:-( – I just got a bad haircut

o-<–< o+< – I’m currently giving birth

( . )( .) – I have a lop-sided boob, unfortunately

.-) – Life is good, even with one eye

(_*_) – You’re an asshole

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Would You Like Wheels With That?

I’ve always been perplexed by people that have backpacks with wheels.  Suitcase or backpack? Suitcase… or backpack?

I think they’re stupid. Luckily there are only five types of people who use them:

1. Flight Attendants (but they always make poor decisions)

2. Door-to-Door Salespeople (they’re prolly gonna murder you)

3. Child Geniuses (who are 16, already in college and too frail to carry organic chemistry books)

4. Wealthy Older Gay Men with Tiny Dogs (Princess Cupcake Sprinkles wants to come to the mall too!! He loves to shop)

5. Mexicans Fleeing Arizona (Wheels on the freeway, straps on the sand)

On Art and Power

One of Banksy’s more famous pieces is “Balloon Girl” – a simple image of a young girl in a dress with a balloon — just out of reach — being blown away by the wind. Many have pondered the meaning of this piece… is she letting go, or reaching out? Both imply a range of complex emotional decisions that don’t seem to fit with the notion of childhood innocence.

You know why I love this image? Because I like to keep shit simple, and by simple I mean funny.

Funny = stealing a balloon from a child and making them watch as you let it go.

Step 1: Find a child with balloon(s)

Step 2: WHOOOSHHHH

Step 3: Point and laugh

Final thought: Art has the power to reveal the humanity behind man’s cruelest intentions. (Yes, I made that up).

(Images via Flickr)

Summer’s Eve

So. Close… Summer.

Summer (or Frappuccino Season if you’re an avid Act Normalite) is when America comes alive. It’s so close I can taste it: shorts, BBQ’s, flip-flops, margaritas, sunny dispositions, hula-hoops and the beach. Sorry I’ve been lagging in posts lately, the lead-up to summer is a busy time at work. After memorial day I’ll have much more free time. So chill the eff out, already.

Sucks if you live in Montana… it’s snowing there. NOT HERE SUCKASSSSSS!!

(Photo via suttonhoo, Flickr)

Life’s a Drag

Based on the title of this post, you may have drawn the conclusion that I’m in a bad mood today. Well it’s quite the opposite. I meant drag as in drag queen, you sillypuss! What if you could live your entire life as a drag queen?

What a spectacle that would be.

I’ve always been fascinated by drag queens. As a young boy growing up in Australia I learned early on about the art of female impersonation. Drag shows are very popular in the major cities (especially Sydney) and it is not all that taboo for straight couples to go to dinner and a show. My first immersion into drag queen performances came with the 1994 Australian film, “The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.” I was 12 and attending an all-boys school; but this utterly hilarious, over-the-top and unforgettable movie changed my life. It was equal parts ridiculous and poignant, offering a glimpse into the lives and mindsets of three gay men (who just happened to be stars in the Sydney drag circuit) traveling by bus across the Australian desert to perform at a remote casino . While helping me understand that gay people were more than glitter and dresses, it also sparked a pension for spotlights and a morbid fear of ping-pong balls…

It comes as no surprise then that one of my favorite books (a memoir) titled, “I Am Not Myself These Days” explores the sordid double life of a advertising professional slash drag queen struggling to survive in NYC in the 1990s. I highly recommend. So, in honor of International Pinch a Drag Queen Day (I kinda made that up) I leave you with a quote and a clip. A quote from author Josh Kilmer-Purcell and a clip of the grand finale performance from Priscilla (with a few other random scenes spliced in).

“I am not an alcoholic. I’m a social catalyst. People pay me to illustrate for other partygoers the chemical process involved in transforming from one persona into another drunker, more fun one. It’s a matter of going from dull point A to exciting point B. And I’m a raving success at it. So successful that sometimes I wind up at Mysterious Point C.”
— Josh Kilmer-Purcell (I Am Not Myself These Days: A Memoir)

140 or Less

I’ve done it! The gayest tweet of all time. A summary of gaydom in 140 characters or less. #WERQ

Fly North to Pittsburgh

If you’ve read my post Here Come the Furries, you’ll already be familiar with Antrocon, the world’s largest furry convention held in the smarmy steel capital, Pittsburgh. The 2010 conference is happening this June and is only $45 to attend! If it was in Philadelphia I’d be there for sure. It’s pronounced “yiff” not “yinz” sheesh!

Here is a beautiful, short film I’ve painstakingly created to show how — like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly — I would find my way to Anthrocon 2010:

I’d also like to direct your attention to this “what is a furry” one-pager they’ve put together. The best line, “A large number of furry fans are employed in the scientific or technical fields.”

No. shit.